|
Post by Gideon on Aug 12, 2006 8:55:08 GMT -5
Some quotes from the film Murder By Death (1976)
Mr Charleston: Now let's see what we have here. We have one dead, naked butler, one host with a butcher's knife in his back, and one poisonous scorpion crawling up our sheets.
Marcel: Something isn't right in all of this. I can feel it in my buns.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Your what?
Marcel: My buns.
Milo Perrier: Buns? Your buns? You bought buns and you didn't tell me? Where are they? Where are the buns?
Marcel: Oh! No, monsieur. The BONES in my body.
Milo Perrier: You should not speak with an accent when you know I am so hungry.
|
|
|
Post by adam on Aug 12, 2006 8:58:35 GMT -5
"The 4th dimetion cannot possibly exist when there are no more directions to go!" - My form teacher (maths teacher)
"SATs Tests" - Numerous people
|
|
|
Post by ICWP on Aug 12, 2006 10:40:59 GMT -5
From an issue of Pixel Comic (wherein pixels are reincarnated after death):
"Throughout all of your history of remembered deaths, which one did you find to be most amusing or fun?"
"Hmm. I only really remember about 20% of my deaths, but one that I will never forget happened quite a long time ago: In the days of intolerance and bigotry, of course, I once held too radical of a thought, so I was instantly sentenced to tortue by means of getting tied to four horses, and being dismembered as they are made to run is opposite directions. However — they decided to carry out this punishment while I was just waking from sleep in my own prison cell, and it was momentarily convinient and even pleasing, because I was stretched by the ropes at precisely the moment I had intended to stretch myself upon awaking."
|
|
|
Post by adam on Aug 12, 2006 12:52:34 GMT -5
From The Simpsons:
Nelson: If your so clever what a million plus a million. Lisa: Two million.
|
|
|
Post by ICWP on Aug 12, 2006 13:18:16 GMT -5
I consider "So?" to be the punchline there.
|
|
|
Post by lazerxangel on Aug 12, 2006 15:01:34 GMT -5
Yes loved the Pot Noodle stuff. I saw the Law of the Playground yesterday and laughed at that bit.
"I know that human being and fish can coexist peacfully" - George W. Bush O.o You like George W. Bush, Adam?
|
|
|
Post by Gideon on Aug 12, 2006 15:12:26 GMT -5
You like George W. Bush, Adam? I think he's just making fun of him. I support John McEnroe for President. J-Mac 08!
|
|
|
Post by ICWP on Aug 12, 2006 15:28:25 GMT -5
Stevie Hawking:
"When I gave a lecture in Japan, I was asked not to mention the possible re-collapse of the universe, because it might affect the stock market. However, I can re-assure anyone who is nervous about their investments that it is a bit early to sell: even if the universe does come to an end, it won't be for at least twenty billion years. By that time, maybe the GATT trade agreement will have come into effect."
|
|
|
Post by adam on Aug 13, 2006 8:43:39 GMT -5
Yes I read that Hawking thing I think when I was doing a project on him for le school. I only mentioned Bush to take the mickey. I mentioned the quote as I found it funny. I have the quote as my sig. It is a link, if you click on it you will get a video of bush clips and my quote is 55 seconds in. I consider "So?" to be the punchline there. Ah yes it was. I'd forgetten about that. Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around. - Vanilla Sky
|
|
|
Post by ICWP on Aug 14, 2006 12:37:04 GMT -5
Someone on FictionPress.com is typing up many amusing things that apparently genuinely happen at her school ( here 'tis, for anyone who's interested). I am in love with this quotation: Mr. E.: Okay, everyone go into their groups.
History Class: *goes into groups*
Mr. E.: *does a funky dance* Oooooaaah!!! Groups groups groups!! *keeps dancing*
History Class: o_____________O;;;;
|
|
|
Post by Islander on Aug 14, 2006 13:18:51 GMT -5
Meh. You should have seen my French teacher (who I will call Pea) in year 7 when we had our first fire-drill: (Fire Sirens start to wail)Pea: (in a calm tone) Right class, first thing to remember when the sirens go off is... DON'T PANIC!!!(starts wildly running around the room, throwing himself onto tables and hiding under teachers desk. Students look on in horror)
10 seconds later
(Pea returns to professional manner)Pea: Right, well go on, file out... True story .
|
|
|
Post by adam on Aug 14, 2006 14:26:50 GMT -5
True story . The rolling eyes make me belive the story less... Why pea?
You have just reminded me about my R.E. teacher who I will call Al. (though a woman). Al: Pass the paper down the desk and make sure everyone has got one (Me and my friend at the bottom of the desk do not have any paper as there was not enough)Me: Miss we... Al: I told you not to talk! Me: But miss we.. (Al looks down desk and me and my friend who have a reputation for being a bit silly)Al: Oh its you too! (We give up because we have knowledge of her Al's no detentions but try a couple of minutes later) (Al looks down table after 5 minutes to see how much work everyone has done and realises we have done nothing) Al: Why have you done nothing? Me: We had no papep Al: You should have said! Me: We tried to but you said not to speak! Al: You should have put your hand up! (Angry, I give up and we get passed some paper) The reason my frienmd kept stum is becuase when we got in trouble he was usually the one who got detention. He used to borrow my watch to check he wasnt beingkept in over 10 minutes! Me: Why are people al ways having digs at me? Its just not nice... ICWP: Aww, Adam. It's just, you're a pillock, y'see.
|
|
|
Post by ICWP on Aug 14, 2006 15:31:14 GMT -5
Well, while we're on the subjectlet of teachers, my drama teacher, after getting annoyed with the loudity of someone called Liam:
"Liam. You're reminding me of a game we can play later called "Kick the Liam". It involves one voulenteer, called Liam, lying on the floor while everyone else kicks him."
And of course, the same teachers immortal assembly speech on why we should all take drama for KS4, which began:
"Don't take drama."
It was supposed to be "Don't take drama, IF you want to be a sheep..." et cetera. But the bell interrupted him.
|
|
|
Post by adam on Aug 14, 2006 15:43:25 GMT -5
French teacher who spoke French all lesson - Am I speaking another language here?
|
|
|
Post by Islander on Aug 14, 2006 15:48:01 GMT -5
True story . The rolling eyes make me belive the story less... Meh, believe what you want. You have my word on it's accuracy, though. "Liam. You're reminding me of a game we can play later called "Kick the Liam". It involves one voulenteer, called Liam, lying on the floor while everyone else kicks him." Lol, now that is good .
|
|