Responses to Equations

[Menack]

Yay, first to read!

Excellent writing style, as usual. Interesting, immersive narrative, which is something you don't see often around here. Everything's in its place in those aspects.
I do have, however, some minor complaints(not the right word but I can't think of another) about the story itself.

I sensed a bit of out-of-characterness on both Victor and Kelly. If I remember correctly [Conclusions Spoilers] Victor didn't trust Kelly because she tried to interefere with his experiments, as she was told by Avenir they were dangerous [/Conclusions Spoilers] so I think Victor wouldn't be as welcoming as she was with Kelly, especially being under all the pressure he was (we can tell by canon that his natural reaction to pressure is anger). Kelly, on the other hand, seemed a bit overly sarcastic, and not her natural, straight-forward self. It's true, though, that her character may have changed due to Josies' dissapeareance, so I can't be certain about that.
I did like how the 'real' Victor came in at the end. It's a natural turn of event's and a good lead-in to Conclusions.

Now to some nit-picking . Just one small, unimportant thing: according to the deleted Inquiry scenes, some students had disappeared for months before. Of course it doesn't affect the story, I'm mentioning it just because.

And one last thing; I didn't feel the title was the aproppiate. Mainly because it's the title of an already existing eppisode and it isn't of much importance to your story. Maybe I'm going too far here, but I'm such a title maniac . I think the title is almost as important as the story itself (one of the reasons why I didn't enjoyed HP and the Goblet of Fire that much), but hey, you did say you wanted feedback

Overall, I enjoyed the story greatly. As I said, it's very well-written. Maybe I sounded a bit harsh or over annalitical about the characters, but I strongly dislike when I show my work to others and they just say 'OMG tis perfection!!1!11one', so I try not to do it myself. So, all I have to say is 'keep up the good work!', we need good fanfics to inspire other people to write good fanfics. And by good, I mean around 5% of everything that has been written on this forum.

[{88Keys}]

Maybe I sounded a bit harsh or over annalitical about the characters,

Are you kidding? Your post should be held up as an example of useful feedback and good, constructive criticism.

If I remember correctly [Conclusions Spoilers] Victor didn't trust Kelly because she tried to interefere with his experiments, as she was told by Avenir they were dangerous [/Conclusions Spoilers]

I thought in Conclusions (MORE SPOILERS AHEAD!) that Avenir said he wanted her to sabotage Vic's work, but she couldn't go through with it. And in one of the first season episodes (Culture, I think), he asks her to come back so they can finish the work they started together. To me, that says that he trusts her, or at the very least he thinks she could be useful to him. Could be he was just using her at that point.

Kelly, on the other hand, seemed a bit overly sarcastic, and not her natural, straight-forward self. It's true, though, that her character may have changed due to Josies' dissapeareance

That's exactly what I was going for. But I think we see from cannon that she has kind of a love/hate relationship with Victor as well.

I did like how the 'real' Victor came in at the end. It's a natural turn of event's and a good lead-in to Conclusions.

Well, to me, the "real" Victor has a softer side, and I like to play around with that in fics. I think he has several layers, and it's fun to try to bring out another side of him.

Just one small, unimportant thing: according to the deleted Inquiry scenes, some students had disappeared for months before.

Oh dear...I don't remember that. I probably didn't pay close enough attention to the dates.

And one last thing; I didn't feel the title was the aproppiate. Mainly because it's the title of an already existing eppisode and it isn't of much importance to your story.

OK, to nitpick back- the episode title was "Equation." Seriously, the point I was trying to make (and apparently failed to get across) is that in the end, Science will save them. Victor is someone who has been searching for something (his wife, key to time travel, etc) for years. He puts his faith in science, and inside of those equations is the answers he is looking for. I know the ending was kind of trite, and I probably didn't bring that out enough. That's kind of why I posted it here; I wanted to see reactions so I could maybe tweak it a bit. I like what you said about it being "a good lead-in to Conclusions"- that's exactly what I was trying to show. The Victor of Inquiry slowly turning into the obsessed Victor of Conclusions. I think that time period between those two episodes is ripe with fanfiction possibilities.

There is also the fact that I'm not good with titles at all.

but I strongly dislike when I show my work to others and they just say 'OMG tis perfection!!1!11one', so I try not to do it myself.

Work? You write fanfic? Have you posted here? And if not, why not?

[Menack]

88keys said:

Maybe I sounded a bit harsh or over annalitical about the characters,

Are you kidding? Your post should be held up as an example of useful feedback and good, constructive criticism.

Why thank you!

I thought in Conclusions (MORE SPOILERS AHEAD!) that Avenir said he wanted her to sabotage Vic's work, but she couldn't go through with it. And in one of the first season episodes (Culture, I think), he asks her to come back so they can finish the work they started together. To me, that says that he trusts her, or at the very least he thinks she could be useful to him. Could be he was just using her at that point.

Hmm, you're right. But then why does he dislikes Josie so much(pre-Conclusions)? I thought it was because he thought Kelly had sent her to finish her work.

Oh dear...I don't remember that. I probably didn't pay close enough attention to the dates.

Well, they were on deleted scenes, maybe you didn't see them.

OK, to nitpick back- the episode title was "Equation." Seriously, the point I was trying to make (and apparently failed to get across) is that in the end, Science will save them. Victor is someone who has been searching for something (his wife, key to time travel, etc) for years. He puts his faith in science, and inside of those equations is the answers he is looking for.

I wouldn't say you failed to get the point across just because I didn't quite get it. It does make a lot of sense now that you explain it. Still, this is more of a 'like-it, dont'-like-it' than a 'it's-correct, it's-not-correct' situation. As I said, I'm a title fanboy.

Work? You write fanfic? Have you posted here? And if not, why not?

Not fanfics, but short stories. Most come out of boredom in classess and get expanded in free time. Serriously, boring teachers are a great source of inspiration
I haven't posted them(even though they're not fanfics) because they're in Spanish. I've been thinking in writing a fanfic though. Already thought of the theme, I just need to start writing it.

And it's a shame (apparently) no-one else has read your fanfic. Stupid fangirls liking the bad stuff.

[HailStorm]

Eep! i haven't read it yet! I'm just leaving this note as a promise that when I've finished my coursework, I will. One of the best things about reading fanfics is seeing Author: 88keys at the start

[BritishHomeStores]

Great authors need great reviewers. I'm not that one, so the only thing that I'm going to say is that I like it. Victor was very real.

[{88Keys}]

Hmm, you're right. But then why does he dislikes Josie so much(pre-Conclusions)? I thought it was because he thought Kelly had sent her to finish her work.

I thought it was more like he knows what a nosy snoop she is, and that she would dig around until she inadvertantly messed everything up. Which she kinda did. Even though she fixed it in the end.

I never thought of it the way you said, that Kelly sent Josie to finish the sabatoge. Interesting idea...would make a great fic...hint, hint.

I haven't posted them(even though they're not fanfics) because they're in Spanish. I've been thinking in writing a fanfic though. Already thought of the theme, I just need to start writing it.

For Strange Days, or for another show? I've been thinking about putting my crime mini-obsession to the test and writing a NCIS case-fic, but it would be a lot of work. And I still have Strange Days stuff in my head that I never got around to writing down! I had another idea for a story where one of the characters basically loses it, but now I'm afraid it will be seen as out of character.

Is it hard for you to write stories in English? I can beta for you, if you need it.

And it's a shame (apparently) no-one else has read your fanfic. Stupid fangirls liking the bad stuff.

(shrug) I write fanfic because I like to, it's good practice, it helps keep my brain sharp, and because the 3 seasons and one movie we got just weren't enough for these characters. The adoration of the masses is secondary, like icing on the cake. I try to keep that in mind, and write because it's what I enjoy, and not to get feedback. Besides, as seen above, I can always count on Hail for honest and kudos-filled reviews.

Great authors need great reviewers. I'm not that one, so the only thing that I'm going to say is that I like it. Victor was very real.

Thank you so much.

[Menack]

88keys said:

I never thought of it the way you said, that Kelly sent Josie to finish the sabatoge. Interesting idea...would make a great fic...hint, hint.

lol...should I? Or should you?

For Strange Days, or for another show? I've been thinking about putting my crime mini-obsession to the test and writing a NCIS case-fic, but it would be a lot of work. And I still have Strange Days stuff in my head that I never got around to writing down! I had another idea for a story where one of the characters basically loses it, but now I'm afraid it will be seen as out of character.
Is it hard for you to write stories in English? I can beta for you, if you need it.

For Strange Days. I'm not fan enough of any other series to write a fanfic about it.
And if you play the 'mind-loosing' theme smoothly, it shouldn't be seen as out of character. After all, crazy people basically are out of character.

About writing, it certainly is harder, but not really hard. It all comes down that I haven't tried, really. I've had to write a couple of things for tests and such but nothing else. I do have a shorty short story I wrote 3 years ago I'm somewhat proud about. Since you're offering, I may send it to you to see what you think ;D

[{88Keys}]

lol...should I? Or should you?

You!

I do have a shorty short story I wrote 3 years ago I'm somewhat proud about. Since you're offering, I may send it to you to see what you think

Rockin! But it's in English, right? My Spanish is not so good. Actually, my Spanish is practically non-existant.

[Menack]

Yep, English. The problem is, the little story doesn't seem to want to be found. I know is here somewhere, I'll find it eventually. Come now little story, I won't hurt you!

BTW, if you want help with Spanish...

[HailStorm]

Thanks, 88keys for reminding me to read this - I did indeed promise to ages ago and never got around to it. Now that I have read it, I'm glad I did. There really isn't enough in the way of Victor fics or fics about the period between Josie's dissapearance and her return. And even if there were tonnes, I get the feeling that this would be the cream of the crop. It's very well done - you can really sense the deperation and Victor's struggle to stay sane under the weight of the pressure and the guilt and you don't make him the cold-hearted villain he always used to be in fics (which is refreshing to see) - mind you, I don't think he's ever been pure villain in your fics, so kudos to you for getting his character so well Kelly was well written as well - again, I don't think I've seen many fics that deal with her reaction to Josie going missing (which is pretty astounding because a mother's child dissapearing off the face of the earth is a brilliant opportunity for writing drama fics). You really are good at writing drama that manages to deal withdifficult issues and displays the complex emotions of the characters without going for overblown sensationalist angsty tones. Good stuff!