Post by Islander on Nov 27, 2006 15:27:54 GMT -5
Red Riding Hood. A story told by many parents to their children. Isn't it a bit old and outdated? 'Tis about time it was rewritten to fit in with modern standards...
There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them.
Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom he sometimes referred to as "father", although he didn't mean to imply by this term that he would have thought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist.
Nor did he intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although he was sorry if this was the impression conveyed.
One day his father asked him to take a basket of organically grown fruit and mineral water to his grandfather's house.
"But father, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people who have struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?"
Red Riding Hood's father assured him that he had called the union manager and obtained a special compassionate mission exemption form.
"But father, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?"
Red Riding Hood's father pointed out that it was impossible for gay people to oppress each other, since all gays were equally oppressed until all gays were free.
"But father, then shouldn't you have my sister carry the basket, since she's an oppressor, and should learn what it's like to be oppressed?"
And Red Riding Hood's father explained that his sister was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides, this wasn't stereotypical women's work, but an empowering deed that would help engender a feeling of community.
"But won't I be oppressing Grandfather, by implying that he's sick and hence unable to independently further his own selfhood?"
But Red Riding Hood's father explained that his grandfather wasn't actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to imply that any of these conditions were inferior to what some people called "health".
Thus Red Riding Hood felt that he could get behind the idea of delivering the basket to his grandfather, and so he set off.
Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an exploitable resource, and hence believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable competitors.
Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants, but Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless society all marginalized peoples would be able to "come out" of the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.
On his way to Grandpa's house, Red Riding Hood passed a woodchopper, and wandered off the path, in order to examine some flowers.
He was startled to find himself standing before a Wolf, who asked him what was in his basket.
Red Riding Hood's teacher had warned him never to talk to strangers, but he was confident in taking control of his own budding sexuality, and chose to dialogue with the Wolf.
Hhe replied, "I am taking my Grandfather some healthful snacks in a gesture of solidarity."
The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little boy to walk through these woods alone."
Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way."
Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards his Grandfather's house.
But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandpa's house.
He burst into the house and ate Grandpa, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator.
Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandpa's nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said,
"Grandpa, I have brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch."
The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."
Red Riding Hood said, "Goddess! Grandpa, what big eyes you have!"
"You forget that I am optically challenged."
"And Grandpa, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have."
"Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child."
"And Grandpa, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"
The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide that he could see hiser poor Grandfather cowering in his belly.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely shouted. "You must request my permission before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!"
The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on him.
At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an ax.
"Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.
"And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding Hood. "If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self esteem and lower achievement scores on school entrance exams."
"Last chance, brother! Get your hands off that endangered species!" screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off his head.
"Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The brat and his grandfather lured me in here. I thought I was a goner."
"No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the woodchopper. "I've been dealing with my anger ever since I saw him picking those protected flowers earlier. And now I'm going to have such a trauma. Do you have any paracetamol?"
"Sure," said the Wolf.
"Thanks."
There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them.
Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom he sometimes referred to as "father", although he didn't mean to imply by this term that he would have thought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist.
Nor did he intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although he was sorry if this was the impression conveyed.
One day his father asked him to take a basket of organically grown fruit and mineral water to his grandfather's house.
"But father, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people who have struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?"
Red Riding Hood's father assured him that he had called the union manager and obtained a special compassionate mission exemption form.
"But father, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?"
Red Riding Hood's father pointed out that it was impossible for gay people to oppress each other, since all gays were equally oppressed until all gays were free.
"But father, then shouldn't you have my sister carry the basket, since she's an oppressor, and should learn what it's like to be oppressed?"
And Red Riding Hood's father explained that his sister was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides, this wasn't stereotypical women's work, but an empowering deed that would help engender a feeling of community.
"But won't I be oppressing Grandfather, by implying that he's sick and hence unable to independently further his own selfhood?"
But Red Riding Hood's father explained that his grandfather wasn't actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to imply that any of these conditions were inferior to what some people called "health".
Thus Red Riding Hood felt that he could get behind the idea of delivering the basket to his grandfather, and so he set off.
Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an exploitable resource, and hence believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable competitors.
Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants, but Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless society all marginalized peoples would be able to "come out" of the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.
On his way to Grandpa's house, Red Riding Hood passed a woodchopper, and wandered off the path, in order to examine some flowers.
He was startled to find himself standing before a Wolf, who asked him what was in his basket.
Red Riding Hood's teacher had warned him never to talk to strangers, but he was confident in taking control of his own budding sexuality, and chose to dialogue with the Wolf.
Hhe replied, "I am taking my Grandfather some healthful snacks in a gesture of solidarity."
The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little boy to walk through these woods alone."
Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way."
Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards his Grandfather's house.
But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandpa's house.
He burst into the house and ate Grandpa, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator.
Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandpa's nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said,
"Grandpa, I have brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch."
The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."
Red Riding Hood said, "Goddess! Grandpa, what big eyes you have!"
"You forget that I am optically challenged."
"And Grandpa, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have."
"Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child."
"And Grandpa, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"
The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide that he could see hiser poor Grandfather cowering in his belly.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely shouted. "You must request my permission before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!"
The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on him.
At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an ax.
"Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.
"And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding Hood. "If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self esteem and lower achievement scores on school entrance exams."
"Last chance, brother! Get your hands off that endangered species!" screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off his head.
"Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The brat and his grandfather lured me in here. I thought I was a goner."
"No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the woodchopper. "I've been dealing with my anger ever since I saw him picking those protected flowers earlier. And now I'm going to have such a trauma. Do you have any paracetamol?"
"Sure," said the Wolf.
"Thanks."